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10 ways to have a better conversation | Celeste Headlee

136044 ratings | 6186969 views
When your job hinges on how well you talk to people, you learn a lot about how to have conversations — and that most of us don't converse very well. Celeste Headlee has worked as a radio host for decades, and she knows the ingredients of a great conversation: Honesty, brevity, clarity and a healthy amount of listening. In this insightful talk, she shares 10 useful rules for having better conversations. "Go out, talk to people, listen to people," she says. "And, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed." TEDTalks is a daily video podcast of the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and much more. Find closed captions and translated subtitles in many languages at http://www.ted.com/translate Follow TED news on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/tednews Like TED on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TED Subscribe to our channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/TEDtalksDirector
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Text Comments (2488)
T C (8 hours ago)
Yeah, so....I believe the Civil War was as divided as our nation has ever been. I am so tired of hearing so called "educated" "intelligentsia" say that it's never been this bad. It's sad. Facebook isn't a great example. Facebook is really the movie "Idiocracy" in real life.
Xhuljano shehu (23 hours ago)
That was a great Speech!
Josh James (1 day ago)
It's not just that people don't listen to one another...People make decisions based on life experience and their intellect. If you have been arrested, then you know how our criminal justice system really works. If you haven't, then your concept of what justice is is based on what you saw on tv or heard on the news. Regardless of your intellect, you just don't understand AND everything you believe on the subject is inaccurate. We have some people that have similar life experience but because of one's intellect, they are able to understand complex issues at a higher level and their opinions differ. Anti vax is a good example I heard from this video. Most people have vaccinated. Many have had side effects from the vaccinations (their kids are sick....constantly...and they keep going back to the doctor for prescription drugs that will temporarily cover up symptoms over and over). They keep getting the increased vaccination schedule for thier kids because they are told that they are good for you and that you had better get them for the safety of others. The person of intellect will question why their kid is getting sick. They will try to change their behaviors to reduce sickness and part of that is by not over vaccinating. They will also look at the ingredients of vaccines, they will also look at big pharma's control of vaccines and their lack of government oversight. When you put that together along with their child's response response, it becomes clear that for them, over-vaccination is harmful. You can see that without intellect and the ability to question what you are spoon fed, you are a part of the status quo.
Himilce Salcedo (1 day ago)
Andrew Buchan (2 days ago)
Such a great talk! :)
Tom Gauthier (3 days ago)
Could you do my favorite voice, Sylvia Poggioli?
Forever Young (4 days ago)
What I took away from this is someone needs to learn to control the volume of their laugh.... Why is the seagull from family guy in the audience just AHAHAHAHAHAHAH?
Ela (4 days ago)
Loved it!
Rooza Tuladhar (7 days ago)
Thank you so much for this amazing ted talk video . I have learned so many this from this video. ❤️
Marife Fariola (7 days ago)
Very timely. Thank you so much!
Sabine Wilson (8 days ago)
This crowd was full of laughter.
Larry Hay (8 days ago)
Celeste's talk has changed my life! I am a full time investigator and her excellent insights into the human interaction that occurs during a conversation has had an incredible impact in every aspect of my life...EVERYONE is an expert in something-even if it's only themselves...!
Infidel Dave (9 days ago)
"Frankly people don't care about the years, the names, the dates all those details your struggling to come up with in your mind...they don't care, what they care about is you." That really resonated with me, I have to rememberer next time when I'm doing exactly that.
Gabriel Trentin (10 days ago)
Some of those points reminds me of a song: "Tim minchin - The fence"
David Anthony (11 days ago)
I like being half in with an option to get out, along with the option to be all in. Is that OK?
das van (5 days ago)
paleobc65 (12 days ago)
7:46 maybe this only happened when i was depressed but i actually love it when people try to related their experience with mine it helps me realize that i'm not alone in my struggles
Kerry Stephens (12 days ago)
WOW! Well done Celeste. I 'listened' to every word and loved it all.
SkyGuardian 205 (12 days ago)
Frank Wall (12 days ago)
I'd marry her
Very interesting and delightfully presented. Important information for public consumption and so true and to the point. I just wish she could tell everyone around me. Thanks again for a delightful delivery of your presentation.
WOLF (12 days ago)
she is indeed BEAUTIFUL.
GQQNER RENQQG (13 days ago)
So called technology is getting your message across to millions around the world.
Woo Gengar (13 days ago)
Melinda R (14 days ago)
"There is no reason to show you are paying attention if you are, in fact, paying attention."
Adam Mortimer (14 days ago)
Great tips!
I'm not good at keep the flow going. However, I found a statement that helps a lot when someone is in need of someone else to talk to, you don't know what to say or you don't have any advice: "Tell me more." People light up with just those three words and they'll love you for it.
oso fine (15 days ago)
Loved this, but I disagree that some of those old tools – specifically, eye contact, nodding, and repeat back – should be tossed out. In addition to not listening, we’ve become accustomed to others not listening to us and we need that feedback. Hopefully, if you are listening, the other person will know but it can help a lot to give them proof. Trying to show people that you hear them can even help you listen. When I was younger, I had a terrible habit of raising my voice at the end of a statement as if it were a question? And ending statements with the phrase, “y’know?” I ended those habits when I realized that I did them because I felt that I wasn’t being listened to. I was less apt to do those things if people were giving me non-verbal cues and repeating back parts of what I said. Now I have a 13 year old who I am trying to teach how to listen and have a conversation (I sent her a link to this video). I worry that she’s going to have problems out there in the world when conversing with people who don’t love her unconditionally like I do, and aren’t as fascinated by everything on her mind (and believe me, she can bore me!) as I am. First steps: eye contact, nodding, and repeating back. At least if you’re trying to do those things, you’re more apt to actually listen as well!
Brian Kagimu (16 days ago)
This is a beautiful talk, thank you
Hasifah Sapuan (18 days ago)
Dont have to follow every things she says.
Doug Bower (19 days ago)
People walk away from me on 2 grounds: a). When I have something to say; and b). When I listen. People don't walk away on 1 ground: it is what the late psychologist Carl Rogers called "psychological contact." Others call it "rapport" and still others call it "chemistry." In some cases it might be said, "it was like we have known each other our whole lives." Some people, like this speaker, can do this with a lot of people, in this some 6 million on Youtube. Call it what you may, but conversation that matches sitting on the front porch with your best friend kind of stuff, is hard from some of us mere mortals to come by, no matter who many books and speeches we attend.
Beatriz B. Guasch (19 days ago)
Shame on you for laughing at the people who questions vaccines and making them a joke. Why don't you check the case of dengvaxia.
Joanna Botmang (21 days ago)
JoeNoshow27 (21 days ago)
She gives some good advice, especially the listening part. But her conclusion didn't really resonate with me because it sounded like an iteration of "get gud", only in the context of conversations. "Be like me, (I'm a great conversationalist), listen and be interested." We're not you. And we will never be you. All we can do is work with what emotions we have available to us. Just rubs me the wrong way when people assume, "If I can do it, you can do it too." That's an assumption, not a fact.
Ria Mendoza (22 days ago)
This is awesome! Really talented speaker 🙌👏
Duaa T.Mohammad (24 days ago)
I enjoyed this talk so much.
Sino Jas (24 days ago)
Her body language is weighted down with insincerity. Not going to bother listening
Darwin Borge (26 days ago)
I have problems responding back and eye contacts
Matthew Schwer (26 days ago)
Unfortunately it isn't. I have no choice but to listen and you have no choice but to lie
Misturada MENTE (28 days ago)
Ótimo, parabéns !
Somnath Biradar (29 days ago)
one of my favorite ted talk I listened with 100 percent interest and I learn a lot from this.
Nicole Wolo (29 days ago)
This is my favorite TED Talk
Vesna Podrug (30 days ago)
Thank you. Thus were really good ones.
Astha Inoue (30 days ago)
'Just 2 people shouting out barely related sentences in the same place' got me off guard lol
Tukaram Ugile (1 month ago)
Very Good Training
Condre Koepfgen (1 month ago)
very helpful information. Everyone needs to learn how to have better conversations with others. I will watch it again.
The suffering Xcx (1 month ago)
Why she isn’t our president again?
morgan freeman (1 month ago)
me: hi how are you nice people: good what about you me: yes
Pixar Filmz (1 month ago)
not even hello but nice
Ampwich (1 month ago)
But my whole thing is....if I dont relate myself to their situation, what do I say, then? I cant think of anything
Ampwich (1 month ago)
what about those of us with destractive brains that cant focusunless eyes are focused on something else?
Philip Buckley (1 month ago)
too much drama.....
উৎসব পাল (1 month ago)
Firstly I thought her to be America Ferrera from Ugly Betty/ The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants/The Dry Land.
Vanollo Venturi (1 month ago)
One of the best Ted talk
Rustin Stardust (1 month ago)
Definitely one of the better TED Talks. I'm glad I watched this!
Orlando Cruz Lopez (1 month ago)
Reincarnation (1 month ago)
don't put words in the other person's mouth - at 6:15
Welp, I've still got crippling social anxiety. But at least now I know how to conduct a conversation like a talk show host.
Lauren Van Bever (1 month ago)
This woman warms my heart. :)
OriginalTharios (1 month ago)
I'm done talking to the cancerously stupid monkeys on this worthless boulder.
Danisa Gladys (1 month ago)
Celeste, you are one of my heroes. Thanks for your words.
Nadira Alanamaya (1 month ago)
hal jordan (1 month ago)
"there is no reason to learn how to show that you are paying attention if you are in fact... paying attention"
Justine Cruz (1 month ago)
amazing <3
Emma - (1 month ago)
1. Don't multitask. (4:27) 2. Don't pontificate. (4:50)  3. Use open ended questions. (6:02) 4. Go with the flow. (6:39) 5. If you don't know, say that you don't know. (7:26) 6. Don't equate your experience with their. (7:46)  7. Try not to repeat yourself. (8:26) 8. Stay out of the wits. (8:46) 9. Listen. (9:08) 10. Be brief. (10:29) -Omar Olivares
Andrew T (1 month ago)
Wow I love this so much. I subconsciously do some of these rules a lot and can be a great listener but boy do I need some work.
Yasper (1 month ago)
Awesome talk.
Kevin Fuk (1 month ago)
Deep conversation=appropriate Small talk=inappropriate
German De Anda (1 month ago)
Hung Vu (1 month ago)
I was surprised about this video
Claude Maximus (1 month ago)
All Americans love to Monopolize any conversation
QUE BARULHO É ESSE? (1 month ago)
very good! #QUEbarulhoÉesse
vxenon67 (1 month ago)
I use to talk a lot as a kid. Now I'm mostly quiet.
NocturnalAnimal (1 month ago)
this was powerful and awesome, great job (:
Dallas Sukerkin (1 month ago)
Very interesting and engaging talk ... and proof that actual confidence (not to be confused with a groundless sense of self worth) is very attractive :).
مر يم (1 month ago)
One of my favourite tedx talks
Kyra Gaunt, Ph.D. (1 month ago)
A rare great TEDx or TED talk that keeps giving on repeat.
Leonidas (1 month ago)
Ya, brush your teeth 🦷
The koLoneL (1 month ago)
I had a conversation with someone believes Jesus is god's son. I couldn't argue he is my boss😅
Lexi Lanai (1 month ago)
so..when was it not right to choose your friends and your spouse based on what "you believe"???? Off the bat Celeste would not have a calm conversation with me. If I am a Christian, would I marry a satanist???? I don't know any Christian who would! I don't know any satanist who would marry a Christian - sister Mary...we gravitate towards people with like beliefs, and realizing that we "live" in a world with people who have polarizing beliefs - I don't have to friend them or marry them to be civil and live/work with them. She's saying we have to compromise??? Why do we have to "compromise" our values and what we believe just to have a conversation??? If this is a "you better tolerate me or else" videos like it's sounding in the first minute and a half - I'm outta!
An M4A1 (1 month ago)
This comment section is so wholesome it makes me wanna go donate to a charity
CaptureCastle (1 month ago)
Introverts prefer listening to talking.
Nicole Marmol (1 month ago)
What does she mean by "don't repeat yourself?" Does anyone know or have an example?
ThatOneGuy 1206 (1 month ago)
I barely even text at all lol I don't like it
jobje Rabbeljee (1 month ago)
Do I answer my own questions? Naah...
jobje Rabbeljee (1 month ago)
Here's 2w0 cents 4ur 3¥€L!dz 🦊
Chase Cassius (1 month ago)
That moment when you're listening and scrolling down in the comments, oof.
the therorist (1 month ago)
talking and listening were fairy tales of kings and queens......has it worked yet?
Haya Kasmi El Morabit (1 month ago)
Amazing one!!! I loved it
Evelyne Rouquet (1 month ago)
Wow, great talk, I adored it :)
Mahsaa Bidbid (1 month ago)
That was really good
Chance Miller (1 month ago)
Thank you so much, ma'am...I love you and your insights. Chance Rodeo Battlehawk On Facebook.
Optimistic Whovian (1 month ago)
Most women need to take notice of this, as far as I'm concerned women are no better at doing more than one thing at a time than men they just WANT to do more than one thing at a time but that means they still neglect more than one thing at a time and its rude if theyre on social media conversing so please ladies have the respect to pay proper attention when youre in conversation on media as you would in person.
Jesus Loves (1 month ago)
Potato Pie (1 month ago)
Seriously didnt you hear the first rule?? DONT MULTITASK LISTEN WITHOUT READING THE COMMENTS
sherry3741 (11 days ago)
Whoops haha
hide on thots (13 days ago)
you caught me
diam0ndMiner64 (17 days ago)
Erika Amerika (19 days ago)
I'm reading afterwards :-p
JODI MADRID (28 days ago)
John Ventura (1 month ago)
When people do start to listen to others, they should try to avoid DISTRACTIONS such as using their phones and/or having random thoughts & avoid INTERRUPTIONS unless its necessary because it just annoys me when others would do both of these when I am talking to them.
Arv L (1 month ago)
What would an introvert do...
alicemay35 (1 month ago)
Really thought this would be interesting but a middle aged person immediately starting off a talk about the reasons why we're having bad conversations by blaming the young using technology is getting really boring. Personally found myself without anyone around me who I connected with even after trying all the things she later suggests and it was only through technology and using it FOR better conversations and connections and learning about people other than those around me or in my bubble - that I became more aware, open and toleratnt of different people.
Cammie Hong (1 month ago)
I had a question, what if I can be the person like that, but my friend doesn't, I don't feel being care in the conversation or being listened by my friends. and every time our conversation just doesn't make me feel being understood, and the truth is I cannot ask everybody to be a good listener, am I just have to give up the friend?
das van (1 month ago)
Cammie Hong Yes. Our friends are a reflection of you. Though understand that this is the goal after which you have known a person. You have put effort into tolerating their habits, but have not seen change, nor have they themselves tried being open-minded to you. You are wasting your time with this person that you speak of.
but i want ayoung gril of virgin.
this gril is Comedian so that good aperson.

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